August 7, 2011

New Pics (Week 6)... Fortunate, I am.

I spent a good portion of yesterday reading A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard the 11 year old that was kidnapped in 1991 and held captive for 18 years as a sex slave.  Yes, unfortunately you read that right.  I read most of it while Alivia napped for 3 1/2 hours.  It was sad, gruesome, and jaw dropping to name a few but mostly UNIMAGINABLE not that you'd really want to imagine any of the horrible things this poor little girl was subjected to.  In case you are unfamiliar with her story, I've attached some links below.

Before Alivia came along, I used to be fearful of the world to a certain, I think, healthy extent.  I avoided the news as much as possible and thought that ignorance was bliss.  Don't get me wrong, I was not naive in any way.  In fact I was quite the opposite!  I was very much aware of the world around me, the things that could happen and did happen.  I have even thought out in great detail ways to protect myself against an attacker in all kinds of different situations like in a parking lot, if someone was in the back seat of my car, if someone had broken into my house, etc. but then  I realized it is sort of impossible to prepare for the unpredictable.

So, how was I aware of the world around me without watching the news?  Most of the time there was a social event to blame.  A birthday party, wedding, baby shower, family BBQ etc.  I would over hear someone talking about last nights news or current headline and found myself, although scared, a bit curious by what always seemed to be horrific and gruesome!  No matter how unimaginable I thought these crimes were, I found myself still trying to put myself in the shoes of these victims trying to imagine there pain.  I am, and always will be, sympathetic to both the victims and survivors of these horrific crimes.

I wrote a post to Alivia once based around the Mt. Vernon, NH home invasion that started out something like this:

Dear Livvy,

I can't believe we live in a world where I could say something like "I would take a machete for you" and people would not even flinch as if it were a normal, or even rational, statement.

We all are familiar with the old phrase "I would take a bullet for you", but a machete?  C'mon now!  Since when do we live in a horror movie?  It seems like I blinked my eyes and the world went from bad to worse.  I shudder to think what it will be like when Alivia is grown.  It takes actual effort on my part NOT to imagine it.  It only gives me anxiety.

Now that Alivia is in my life I've chosen to watch the news every morning.  Not to see the horrendous crimes being committed but to catch the product & food recalls, weather, economy statistics and so forth.  I like to be informed for my family.  I feel it is part of the entire stay-at-home mom job description. 

I didn't intend this post to be gloomy or depressing and it's not like I needed to read an autobiography of someones ghastly life as a sex slave to open my eyes in any way, but boy was it a reminder.  A reminder of how scary things really do UNFORTUNATELY exist.  I can only do my part in keeping my little part of the world, my family & friends, safe by praying every night.  More important than asking God to keep us all safe is to make sure it's known that I am grateful for every day that has passed that we ARE and have been safe.  I can only hope for it to remain that way. 

As a new mom one of my BIGGEST fears is that something will happen to me or Alivia.  I wouldn't want Alivia to grow up without a mom, without my love, and the values I feel she needs to have.  If something happened to Alivia I would undoubtedly fall apart.  To type that very sentence was hard enough for me.  She is my life, my everything, a little piece of me just learning to walk, talk, gesture who discovers and learns new things every day!  It's absolutely the most amazing thing I will ever experience.  Besides being healthy, I will pray that she is always safe!  I will do everything in my power to protect her and, like Kimberly Cates (the mother of the Mt. Vernon home invasion), would take a machete for her.

It's truly amazing the things we do for our children!

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