April 19, 2012

Even my teeth are tired

I just realized that I work a lot!  I put in a good 11 hours a day with Alivia.  With my husband working every other weekend, sometimes there is no end in sight.  I rarely get any breaks.  Alivia stopped napping almost completely about 4 months ago.  She'll have the occasional nap, maybe twice a week if I'm lucky, but only for 30 to 45 minutes.  Since she will not take naps in her crib, I have to take her for a ride in the car which, let's face it, isn't exactly a break for me.  In fact, when I'm tired, it's more of a daunting task than anything else.  I've actually had internal arguments with myself (no, I don't hear voices or anything) to stay put in fear of falling asleep behind the wheel.  I'm just grateful that she is such a fantastic sleeper at night.  She goes to bed, very willingly I might add, around 8:00pm and doesn't wake up until around 7:30 or 8:00am where she'll keep herself entertained until around 9:00am or so.  I know, it's unheard of right?  So I guess it's not a complete pity party.  I mean I do get to wake up late.  That's good.  No, seriously Elena, that's good.  Yeah, I'm trying to convince myself.  I don't know what's wrong with me today.  I'm just super exhausted.  Alivia has been extra whinny and it seems like just about everything and anything makes her cry these days.  I swear she cries just to hear herself.  What's worse is when I try to console her.  She pushes me away and lays belly down on the floor and has minor meltdowns.  I say "minor" only because I am VERY realistic and know how much worse they could be.  I'm sort of just sitting back and waiting for it to happen.  So with Alivia being extra whinny, needy, and cranky, the housework has fallen to the wayside and I can't help but to feel down.  It's weird how when I'm working harder than ever, I've got nothing really to show for it.  In fact, if I were Bob, I'd be wondering what the hell I'm doing around the house all day!  Of course, he knows better!  He also knows that I do work incredibly hard.  I guess my work will show when Alivia grows up to be a well rounded, well adjusted, smart, happy, kind, mindful, well mannered, adult.  In the meantime, I think both Bob and I would agree that Alivia comes first which is exactly what I've been putting her.

By the way, if you haven't noticed, I have a tendency to ramble on and forget to start new paragraphs. 
Anyhow, are you wondering how I find the time to post anything?  It's called The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Jake and the Never Land Pirates.  That's right, I've been relying on television to babysit my child while I take a half and hour to vent to all of you.  I feel like a horrible mother resorting to television (I'm sure we've all been educated on the horrible effects that TV can have on your child), but how else would I remain sane if I didn't take a tiny fraction of the day for me?  Seriously, taking the time for myself is my therapy.  I need it in order to move on to that 4th, 8th or 11th hour.  Lucky me, my husband is working a double shift tonight, which means so am I.  With all of this on my mind, and wondering how I'm going to make it through another day, I really just want to know one thing:  "Am I going to be able to take a shower today?"
Are there other parents that can relate?  I'm sure there are, but I really need to hear from you.
By the way, don't forget to come back tomorrow.  I'll be sharing a bunch of links that I think you'll like in my weekly 'The Missing Link' post.  If you missed it last week, you can find my post here.
Also, as a reminder, I added the Google Friend Connect gadget to my sidebar (you'll have to scroll down to find it).  If you like what you've read, feel free to join my site!

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