New Pics… Mother’s Day

So, how was everyone’s Mother’s Day?  I got some beautiful flowers from Alivia and the hubby!  They must love me bunches!  Thought you’d like to see just how beautiful the bouquet was.  Gorgeous colors right?  And who doesn’t love roses?  Especially white ones!

The next is a shot of me and Alivia.  Yes, I’m in a picture!  Don’t fall of your seat, it’s really me!  My hubby took this shot.  I also wanted to link it up to Finagle a Foto over at Happy Jax and Quotography over at {My} Perspective.  The theme is A Mother’s Love!  No better way to show this than with a kiss!

And a picture of me and my pretty momma. 

I had intentions of writing an entirely different post, but I just had to share some of the disturbing nightmares I’ve been having.

Soon after Alivia was born, I started having these reoccurring nightmares that she didn’t exist or I couldn’t find her.  In my dream, I’d always be searching for her and trying to convince people she was real.  While looking for her, I would hear her voice in the distance.  Sometimes I’d hear baby cooing or crying while other times I would hear full words but ones that I could not really understand.  It was weird, but I always knew it was her and that she was crying out for her mama.

The most recent nightmare, which I just had last night, was about my hubby and I buying a house and starting a new life together.  While in the process of moving, I was looking for Alivia again but couldn’t find her.  This time instead of having to convince my husband she was real he already seemed to know it.  I remember balling my eyes out while saying to him that I just wanted to find her and have this be over.  Almost like I knew I was having a dream.  He looked at me and said “maybe you are not finished here” and “or maybe you have something that needs to be done here before you go back.”  It was like he knew I was dreaming also.  In my dream I had understood the word back to mean waking up and being able to come back to my real life.  I really thought about what he said and continued to search.  Sometimes I would see her and then as quickly as she had appeared she would disappear.  These nightmares always seemed to drag on and on so by the time I would wake up I’d feel like I had been away from Alivia for days.

So, do you want to hear my interpretation?  I think that my nightmares of me trying to convince people she is real is all about my fear of losing the wonderful life I have.  Sometimes I feel like I am way too happy and wonder if this life that I am living is real.  My nightmares are a way of telling me that this life is way too good to be true.  My happiness, being Alivia, is not real at all.  It is a figment of my imagination.  I’ve made her up in my mind to make myself happy all of the while driving myself completely insane. 

For the nightmares in which I’m searching for her, I believe, is a reflection of my fear of losing her completely.  Losing her to a sickness, a kidnapping, a divorce, etc.  These used to be very real worries in the fore front of my mind. Although I’ve learned to control them they have not disappeared.  I’ve just filed them away in my mind’s archives where they have become subconscious thoughts.  I’m wondering if it also may be a little separation anxiety on my part.  Sleeping is my only REAL time away from her.  It’s almost difficult knowing that we are in the same house but we can not be with each other.  Does that sound weird?  Don’t get me wrong.  I always look forward to my nights.  It is my “Me” time and I rely heavily on it to keep me sane.  It’s funny, though, that no matter how bad my day may have been and no matter how much I was looking forward to that minute I would lay Alivia down in her crib so that I could start my “Me” time, I still miss her terribly and it’s usually within the first 10 minutes we are apart.  It’s a little crazy, I know. 

Anyhow, thanks for hearing me out.  Have you had any weird dreams lately?  What is the weirdest dream you’ve had?  Do you have reoccurring ones? 

On a closing note, I’ll leave you with some pictures.  I have more to process that I hope to post tomorrow.

I’m linking up the picture below to the Show off your Shot Photo Challenge over at And then she {Snapped}.

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